Hello Beautiful People,
I know it’s been a long time since I’ve posted up an ask for a fundraising campaign yet here I am again. To be honest, this is still a difficult process for me to ask for help but I’m learning I already have the no, so I gotta fight for the yes and if I want help, I have to speak and ask for support. The urgency of launching this campaign is very real because as you’ll find out in the description of the fundraiser – my surgery date is on May 30th and I need all my funds by May 16th. That sounds really soon, I know, and trust me it’s still hitting me but I earnestly need your help to make my surgery happen. If you can donate (and it not break your budget or pocket), please do. If you can share this link (and not have detrimental repercussions for doing so), please do. Helping hands and giving hearts are always appreciated. Also, if you’re in the area and you see me, please give me a hug (that helps sooo much you have no idea). Below I have provided the link to the fundraiser and I just hope that ya’ll help me get there:
With Love & Affirmation,
“Do I Matter?” by Mykell Hatcher-McLarin 4/15/14
It smells like rain at 2:00am while the moon is eclipsed and the lights are dim. And I’m filled to the brim with thoughts of mattering. Sometimes, at night, I can hear my mirror shattering. A nick in time causes a series of cracks. But I just pick up the pieces and rebuild my reflection while making sure to leave out the pieces of tension that make me feel worthless. Those are the pieces that make me feel like people don’t give a shit and maybe they don’t but how would I know this (?) I haven’t asked. The assumptions and the truth haven’t clashed. So I’m looking in this busted mirror looking like an ass for thinking I’m not good enough. I question if my skin isn’t tough? My heart too soft? My mind too flooded by negative thoughts? Heh, foolish. Letting the world determine where my mind lives, letting all the darkness come over me and blinding me from being able to see that I am worthy of good things. I am worthy of good things! “Stop pretending like you don’t mean anything!” I yell at myself in the mirror, tears in my eyes shaking with an unstoppable quiver. “Don’t fall a part. Don’t fall a part. Don’t fall a part,” I repeat to myself, my hands over my ears focusing on the beat of my heart to remind me that I’m still here and I shouldn’t let fear in. I shouldn’t let the shattering begin again. “Stop. Please, Stop!” And the world ceases in place. And I watched with dried tears on my face. I look to see me in the mirror, my body frozen in terror. That’s when I caught a glimpse of a reflection I didn’t want to become familiar. I punched the mirror and let the blood from the wounds flow. “I’m not gonna become this. This isn’t how it’s gonna go.” I looked into the eyes of myself that we’re afraid and surrounding the pupil of darkness was light no longer dismayed. Even in fear, I could be my own light and continue to conquer over feelings of worthless to win this fight I’m waging within myself. I Matter. To who? Sometimes, I don’t know. But I Matter and that’s all I need to know.
How about we stop skirting past the reality that we hurt?
That we experience pain and that at times we need help, support, people to be mindful of our pain. And I don’t ask this in a judgmental way. It can be difficult to talk about pain. It can make one vulnerable to talk about pain. It can be painful to talk about pain. We’re taught that pain is bad, that pain should be avoided, unfelt. Yet we still do anyway experience hurt, consciously and subconsciously.
How about we start giving ourselves and others space to acknowledge and feel this hurt?
To process THROUGH the hurt, not around pain or even away from pain. Cuz the moment we try to ignore the presence of our own pain, it only calls louder out to us until it cracks our eardrums and makes our eyes bleed.
Please start paying attention. Please start acknowledging. Please start reaching out. Please. I know that may be a lot to ask from some people. But please…Please <3
“When is time?” by Mykell Hatcher-McLarin (4/12/14)
Night time is the right time for the moonlight to shine bright. For stars to look for infinity within the vicinity of here and destiny. The moon will play the saxophone and dance on its own, to the rhythm of the shadows wasting away all its foes. And here I’ll dance along and here I’ll sing a song and here I’m floating beyond reach and I have yet to reach my peak. I’m still rising along the horizon right into the sun reflecting light into my eyes. And the sun will play the drums, loud, full of life and here I come, dancing some more. I look out the window, smile and walk out the door. I hold open dreamland and carry the magic in my hands to reality. What will this world turn out to be? Something wow and full of everything! Gives me more reason to sing. I’ll hold up the sky if it decides to fall and lift it back up to eternity with my all. I’m standing between time and timelessness, looking at the sky, filled with bliss cuz nothing says Life like my own presence. So what time is night time? So what time is daylight? Always. So turn up the rhythm, full pace. I’ll sing this song and dance from an endless list. I’ll create life from me to limitlessness.
This is my rendition of the quote:
“You’ve gotta dance like there’s nobody watching,
Love like you’ll never be hurt,
Sing like there’s nobody listening,
And live like it’s heaven on earth.”
― William W. Purkey
I don’t want to pretend or act like I won’t face struggles or that the wonderful parts of life exist in seclusion from everything else I experience. Every moment is happening no matter where I am in life and who is or isn’t watching.
This is what true expression is about to me. This is what truly living is about to me ♥
I’d like to rephrase the phrase “dance like no one is watching” to “dance like everybody is watching and you don’t give a damn about what they have to say about it.” Shit, that’s what I do anyway. I literally can’t be confined to my room. I’ll dance wherever the music takes me <3 — :D feeling like dancing to the rhythm of life.
School will teach you one thing.
Life will teach you another.
You can read a book if you want to
but don’t judge life by the book’s cover.
**inspired by Renee Sophistra Browne**