“Forgiveness and Commitment” by Mykell Hatcher-McLarin 4/28/14
Sometimes you just gotta proclaim to yourself:
I forgive myself for anything I’ve ever done or said I’d do because I felt like I had to in order to impress someone rather than being myself and knowing that is enough.
I forgive myself for letting thoughts I believed others had or will have influence how I behaved or thought of myself that drifted from my truth and who I am.
I forgive myself for not communicating with those who care about me because I convinced myself that they didn’t care rather than not letting my issues with mattering suede me from the truth.
I forgive myself for self-infliction and purposefully trying to destroy myself so no one else could possibly beat me to the punch instead of building myself up and readying myself to tell those people to fuck off.
I forgive myself for waiting to be forgiven and wallowing in self-pity and loathing rather than forgiving myself for anything I’ve done that I have internalized as being wrong.
I forgive myself for being anyone other than me. I forgive myself for waiting for others to show me who I am.
And with forgiveness comes a commitment not to allow self to perform these actions again:
I commit to not trying to impress others with false ideologies and someone who isn’t me.
I commit to constantly reminding myself I am enough.
I commit to communicating with those I know care and not getting them confused with those who don’t.
I commit to constantly reminding myself that I matter.
I commit to not breaking myself down.
I commit to constantly reminding myself that I don’t deserve harmful behavior from anyone, myself included.
I commit to acknowledge my low points and bring myself out without wallowing and hating myself for being in any negative space.
I commit to constantly reminding myself that it’s not anyone else’s job to pull me out of a rut and/or forgive me for falling in. That responsibility is mine.
I commit to being me, unapologeticly and completely.
I commit to constantly reminding myself being me is all I can and should be.
So I stand here forgiven and ready to commit.