When Religion Doesn’t Save You (poetry)

**Trigger Warning: sexual assault, sexual harassment, rape

“When Religion Doesn’t Save You” by Mykell Hatcher-McLarin 5/4/14

Sometimes you get so used to the violence
that you forget where your God is.
No, not this entity that exists in this white clouded abyss
but that sense of protection from within.
Suddenly you’re
Defenseless,
Unguided,
Hurt,
Reminded
that you can be
Invaded and Divided,
Split into two and misplaced among stone beds.
Sacrificed and Crucified
for their sins;
and that’s where the terror is allowed to begin.
Lost God on the way in
looking for the way out.
How loud do I have to shout?
Before nighttime turns into daybreak
and I found my escape
from the feeling of manipulation and…
If I don’t say it then does that mean I’m safe?
If I don’t talk about it does that mean I’m saved?
God where have you gone?
I haven’t felt protected in so long.
I think I lost you between consent and sober songs
that’ve told me all along that I didn’t need
divinity to be dragged along
into a state of feeling out of control and alone.
When I wake in the middle of the night and I can’t sleep
They’ve laid me down and played my soul for keeps.
If I should cry before I wake,
I hope there’s not much more of this I’ll have to take.
I’ll get called on my mistakes.
Victim blamed for not staying awake,
for not understanding what it meant
to hold God inside me and resent
this feeling thus stopping its intent.
But I have God inside of me,
that sense of protection,
but everyday became a nightmare
and I could no longer find them.
I’ve gotten so used to the violence
that I forget where my God is.
No, not this entity that exists in this white clouded abyss
but my sense of protection from within.

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