Tag Archives: process

We Hurt (4/13/14)

How about we stop skirting past the reality that we hurt?
That we experience pain and that at times we need help, support, people to be mindful of our pain. And I don’t ask this in a judgmental way. It can be difficult to talk about pain. It can make one vulnerable to talk about pain. It can be painful to talk about pain. We’re taught that pain is bad, that pain should be avoided, unfelt. Yet we still do anyway experience hurt, consciously and subconsciously.
How about we start giving ourselves and others space to acknowledge and feel this hurt?
To process THROUGH the hurt, not around pain or even away from pain. Cuz the moment we try to ignore the presence of our own pain, it only calls louder out to us until it cracks our eardrums and makes our eyes bleed.
Please start paying attention. Please start acknowledging. Please start reaching out. Please. I know that may be a lot to ask from some people. But please…Please ❤


When someone tells you who they are, believe them

[Name Withheld]

I had to learn and now strongly believe that this notion of “changing people” needs to stop. No one but the persons themselves can change themselves. Only we can change ourselves.

When someone says to you, “I don’t like to go out in the rain.” The first thing you do isn’t take them out into a rain storm! You acknowledge that about them. You don’t have to agree with that sentiment. You don’t have to accept that into your own life. But what they told you is true to them and if anything is to change about what they told you, it’s going to be THEIR DECISION.

I believe in asking questions of understanding: “How come? I would just like to understand a different perspective.” I believe in asking thought provoking questions, “What makes you not like the rain?” I believe in making people think and evaluate their own process for their own growth. BUT throughout that process there shouldn’t be an expectation for that person to change the way they think or commit to their truth.

We can Influence others.
We can Support others.
We can Challenge others.
We can Inspire others.

We cannot Change others.
Only They can Change Themselves.
Only We can Change Ourselves.

I am a positive person but I get really tired of aggressive optimism. If someone’s sad, let them be sad. All emotions have purpose. Sadness isn’t destructive if not prolonged. Sadness isn’t unproductive, as it offers awareness. Telling someone to “cheer up” or “be happy” is so ineffective and patronizing. The last thing a sad person needs is for someone to judge their feelings as pointless and unappealing. Welcome sadness, just don’t let it consume you.

Illya Parker