Ameen (Poetry Performance)

On Sunday April 19, 2015, I had the honor to perform “Ameen” at the Queer Monologues at the University of Maryland, College Park (my soon to be all ma mater).

This is one of my few poems I have had the opportunity to capture on camera. Finally a poem of me performing (and of course it had to be on the hardest poem I’ve performed ever).

I hope you enjoy 💚💜

Peace and Empower,
Myke

________________

“Ameen” by Mykell Hatcher-McLarin (4/19/15)

I hold my stomach
And squeem
thinking of things
I’ve only dreamed
Her name is Ameen
Not quite real
But she could be
You could be
as you’re growing
In every crevice of my mind
like galaxies in formation
Iron blood pumping
through empty spaces
Stars aligning in rotation
As the thought loops
Like protons
around helium
building energy so
fast you’ll explode in my heart
With the passion of a thousand suns
And I know that’s cliché
Like the words that usually cling
Tightly in between the lines of my poetry
And I don’t mean you’re not unique
But rather you
Come to my mind so quickly
Like I’ve dreamed you before
Every night
When I was 18,
I dated a woman.
She was a lesbian
who wouldn’t have been
your mother
because she didn’t want
a daughter
in fear that she would be
her mother.
Found that out the hard way
when I woke up one day
and told her
“I just had a dream
about our daughter.
I called out Ameen
and she came to me.
Isn’t that exciting?”
She had nothing to say
and maybe it was
meant that way.
For My Dream
didn’t include two women
There was
You and Me.
Both of us enigmas
In a future
I want to Be
with You
Ameen
Ameen
Giggling Baby Girl
Bouncing into my arms
Squealing
Daddy
Daddy
I love you Daddy
I love you…
Probably the same way I used to
when I was
Baby Girl
In the arms of My Father
Baby Girl
Grown into Daddy.
I’m not afraid to be My Father
so You’ll have Me
And for now I’ll have you
In moments
when boyfriend
Rubs my stomach
Thinking.
Subconsciously.
I ask him,
Do you want children?
“Yea,
I want two
so the first one won’t be lonely.”
Right there,
I knew the first one would
Be You
and the four of us
could be a family.
Not the same dream
but still those thoughts fill me.
And I start wondering
about Pregnancy
forming in Body
Reconstructing Man
in midst of Invisibility.
Those lines in between my poetry
I may not want anyone to read
But wanting to read her genealogy
And See Me
In the XX chromosomes
marking the spot
where two souls
came together
and made
A Baby
inside me
But I don’t want a baby inside me
Fear passed over ovaries
Semen too deep
In panic I drown in ocean
Rescue me
Rescue me
Ameen
I want to be your Daddy
I want you to carry a piece of me
But I’m not willing to carry
And that pains me
At night
When he and I lay in sheets
rustled before bed
“We should use a condom”
He nods.
Agrees.
We grab one.
Proceed.
I smirk.
Mixed Feelings.
Wary of raw emotion
coursing through me
Yet,
Honestly,
I want to say
Fuck It!
I want to be a Daddy
Ameen
Your baby feet kicking
Pitter patter
on oak floors
Brown like Skin
if you were mine
from the beginning
You’d be
Dancing
With Daddy and
Singing
With Daddy and
Laughing
At Daddy
Being Silly
with His Baby Girl
His Baby Girl
My Baby Girl
But Ameen I don’t want to carry
I Just Want You

One of the most powerful and pervasive things about fear (false.evidence.appearing.real) is that it appears real. REAL. It will have you earnestly believing it to be true. That you don’t deserve happiness. That you don’t really have deep feelings for someone. That you shouldn’t leave one job for another. And the more you choose fear, the deeper these ‘beliefs’ become. They become habitual and second-nature. So deep that eventually fear replaces faith. And that’s dangerous and treacherous

Zerandrian S. Morris

Keep Room for Faith (7/2/14)

People harbor so much Doubt that they don’t leave room for Faith.

I’ve come to realize this from practicing/learning how to drive. When I’ve been driving wit folks, they doubt me. I know they do. They don’t have to say “I Doubt You.” I can Feel the Doubt in their tone, their body language, the words they choose to speak to me, how they speak to me, their expressions, their posture, everything exudes Doubt. They Doubt my ability or desire to keep Us Safe while the vehicle is in motion. The amount of Doubt is actually suffocating at times.

So what do I have left to do in situations such as this? Keep the Faith in Myself the best I Can. Example, while I’m parallel parking I’m told flat out, “You can’t get into that spot.” Had nothing to do with the size of the car or the spot (for the spot was massive and the car was not) but rather was strictly focused on my ability to maneuver into the spot. I told them, “Don’t tell me I can’t before I even try. I’m in the middle of parking. Don’t do that.” And what happens as a result? I make it into the spot. Sure it took me longer than they liked but I got into the spot cuz I had to Keep Faith in my ability to do what I needed to, what I knew I Can Do.

Leaving room for Faith applies everywhere. People so busy telling each other they can’t (in situations of questioning people’s capabilities within reason) rather than giving each other room to Believe. It’s so Corrosive to Confidence to help people Doubt themselves.

So lesson: Give Room for Faith, Stop Harboring Doubt.

Wake Up and Give Praise (poetry)

“Wake Up and Give Praise” by Mykell Hatcher-McLarin 6/23/14

I am Thankful for this Heartbeat.
Thankful for the Music that plays loudly from my Chest extending from my Soul to course Life through my Veins.
I am Thankful.
I am Thankful for this Heartbeat.
My Heartbeat ready to Commit to the Transformation of Self that is Building My Truth at my Footsteps walking towards Freedom by stepping into Myself.
I am Thankful.
I am Thankful for this Heartbeat.
Thankful for the Thumping that gives me Knowledge that I am Healing with every Breath taken in the Name of Me.
I am Thankful.
I am Thankful for this Heartbeat.
My Heartbeat that’s spread Love through Myself and sends Love soaring outward on Light Streams Shooting Stars into Dark Night Skies, Illuminating the All of Our Abilities to Be.
I am Thankful.
I am Thankful for this Heartbeat.
I am Thankful for My Heartbeat.
I am Thankful.

Faithless is he who quits when the road darkens. Turn your internal light on highbeam.

Vann

This reminds me of when Mr. Chris said, “Never dim your light to accommodate sleepy eyes.” To me they relate because in the process of dimming one’s own light, their faith in self diminishes as well. When one closes their eyes, the space around them darkens. To close one’s eyes to light, especially one’s own light, seems to me giving up or quitting on the beauty light brings into one’s life. So then in turning and keeping your internal light on high beam, one is not dimming their light, yet letting their light shine at maximum capacity.

Keep the faith, acknowledge darkness and continue to shine through the darkness with your light ❤

The Power of Prayer: The Loving Light of God (1/17/14)

Never underestimate the blessing that are to come. It may seem like nothing is going right but sure enough it’s all going as planned. Blessing are coming, just keeping believing, keep going, keep growing, keeping doing and keep praying. There’s no one way to pray, just be genuine in your conversations, in your thoughts, in your spirit, in your faith.

May everyone’s prayers/wishes be answered (in which I’m certain they will when you truly believe in the process) ❤

Believe in the Unbelievable (1/10/14)

Believe. Believe in the unbelievable. Believe in love. Believe in life. Believe in growth. Believe in release. Believe in getting past this point. Believe in forgiveness. Believe in friendship. Believe in family. Believe in romance. Believe in close ties. Believe in realness. Believe in truth. Believe in purpose. Believe in learning. Believe in happiness. Believe in peace. Believe in community. Believe in support. Believe in this moment. Believe in the future. Believe that you’re worth the best. Believe you deserve all of these. Believe in your dreams. Believe in the unbelievable. Believe.

Have you ever just doubted? Just doubted and doubted until hope became an illusion?

At that point everything seems unbelievable, doesn’t it?

But what we have to come to understand is what we believe in is what becomes us.

Next time you want to doubt yourself, decide to believe and see where that gets you.

It’s gonna be difficult to do always but still do. Do the best to believe. Even through the unknown, believe because belief and faith can be guiding lights through a shroud of darkness.

With Love and Affirmation,
Myke

Blessed (1/6/14)