Ameen (Poetry Performance)

On Sunday April 19, 2015, I had the honor to perform “Ameen” at the Queer Monologues at the University of Maryland, College Park (my soon to be all ma mater).

This is one of my few poems I have had the opportunity to capture on camera. Finally a poem of me performing (and of course it had to be on the hardest poem I’ve performed ever).

I hope you enjoy 💚💜

Peace and Empower,
Myke

________________

“Ameen” by Mykell Hatcher-McLarin (4/19/15)

I hold my stomach
And squeem
thinking of things
I’ve only dreamed
Her name is Ameen
Not quite real
But she could be
You could be
as you’re growing
In every crevice of my mind
like galaxies in formation
Iron blood pumping
through empty spaces
Stars aligning in rotation
As the thought loops
Like protons
around helium
building energy so
fast you’ll explode in my heart
With the passion of a thousand suns
And I know that’s cliché
Like the words that usually cling
Tightly in between the lines of my poetry
And I don’t mean you’re not unique
But rather you
Come to my mind so quickly
Like I’ve dreamed you before
Every night
When I was 18,
I dated a woman.
She was a lesbian
who wouldn’t have been
your mother
because she didn’t want
a daughter
in fear that she would be
her mother.
Found that out the hard way
when I woke up one day
and told her
“I just had a dream
about our daughter.
I called out Ameen
and she came to me.
Isn’t that exciting?”
She had nothing to say
and maybe it was
meant that way.
For My Dream
didn’t include two women
There was
You and Me.
Both of us enigmas
In a future
I want to Be
with You
Ameen
Ameen
Giggling Baby Girl
Bouncing into my arms
Squealing
Daddy
Daddy
I love you Daddy
I love you…
Probably the same way I used to
when I was
Baby Girl
In the arms of My Father
Baby Girl
Grown into Daddy.
I’m not afraid to be My Father
so You’ll have Me
And for now I’ll have you
In moments
when boyfriend
Rubs my stomach
Thinking.
Subconsciously.
I ask him,
Do you want children?
“Yea,
I want two
so the first one won’t be lonely.”
Right there,
I knew the first one would
Be You
and the four of us
could be a family.
Not the same dream
but still those thoughts fill me.
And I start wondering
about Pregnancy
forming in Body
Reconstructing Man
in midst of Invisibility.
Those lines in between my poetry
I may not want anyone to read
But wanting to read her genealogy
And See Me
In the XX chromosomes
marking the spot
where two souls
came together
and made
A Baby
inside me
But I don’t want a baby inside me
Fear passed over ovaries
Semen too deep
In panic I drown in ocean
Rescue me
Rescue me
Ameen
I want to be your Daddy
I want you to carry a piece of me
But I’m not willing to carry
And that pains me
At night
When he and I lay in sheets
rustled before bed
“We should use a condom”
He nods.
Agrees.
We grab one.
Proceed.
I smirk.
Mixed Feelings.
Wary of raw emotion
coursing through me
Yet,
Honestly,
I want to say
Fuck It!
I want to be a Daddy
Ameen
Your baby feet kicking
Pitter patter
on oak floors
Brown like Skin
if you were mine
from the beginning
You’d be
Dancing
With Daddy and
Singing
With Daddy and
Laughing
At Daddy
Being Silly
with His Baby Girl
His Baby Girl
My Baby Girl
But Ameen I don’t want to carry
I Just Want You

I’m Sorry (poetry)

“I’m Sorry” by Mykell Hatcher-McLarin 6/15/14

If the Moon didn’t shine as bright as she did tonight because she was blocked by clouds, would we suddenly doubt her ability to keep the water calm and the night serene? I hope there is no doubt created in one who cannot shine their brightest everyday, maybe be blocked or shrouded by darkness, but still remain present and able to retain their light. I hope that one can look in themselves and know when to admit that a small dim doesn’t darken the whole sky. I hope one can admit that a mistake does not make them less illuminating but rather one’s ability to let the waters continuously stir and night to turn to constant chaos is what eclipsed them forever.

Sometimes you reveal your heart to someone; walk into the middle of the forest completely naked. And you hope, that both times, rather than them questioning why you would make yourself so vulnerable that they would embrace you in your truest form

Mykell Hatcher-McLarin (self)

Healing Through Housing (5/7/14)

Health and Healing Everybody,

I want it to be known that all you supporters got me to my fundraising goal for surgery! Freedom is underway and it’s all thanks to your love, affirmation, support and caring. I promise and will commit to making a thank you video before the end of May/before surgery.

In addition to my other fundraiser, I have another really big ask to make. Now I’m asking if you could help me fund raise $800 more dollars for summer housing so I have a place to heal after surgery. Unfortunately, I did not account for housing in my savings (and I take full responsibility for this mistake) putting me I’m in a tight spot right now.

I won’t be able to receive my own income over the summer since I will need to dedicate that time to allowing my body to recuperate. Part of the cost is to help me pay for the hotel that I need to stay at in Ohio days approaching the surgery and days following so that my doctor can make sure my health is stable. The other part of the costs include groceries/food and cost for occupying the space I’m being offered to live in during the summer time.

Without a place to heal, my health could be in serious jeopardy. So please check out my link below:

http://www.gofundme.com/8yptmg

Unfortunately, I don’t have much to give this time around even though I wish I could. I will be following up with all those who donated about their gifts from the last fundraiser. All I have is my spirit that will always be keeping you circled with as much positive energy as I can send out into the world. And sure enough I will continue to do so throughout this process and beyond.

Any support you can give would be so helpful whether it be through donating, sharing my link, sending me positive energy. Any type of support you can muster would be so helpful and appreciated ❤

With Love and Affirmation,

Mykell Hatcher-McLarin

THE [(POTENTIALLY) HARD] QUESTIONS (Inspired by Dr. Lashay Harvey)

So Dr. Lashay Harvey has made it to my blog before and now she has returned. She posted a serious of questions about one’s sexual self. So I took the liberty to answer them. Here is the link to her questions:

http://blog.lashayharvey.com/musings/the-potentially-hard-questions/

And here are my answers:

Who are you sexually?
A Watcher of Signs. An Explorer of Truths. A Lover of Kisses and Cuddling. Shy at Start, Extroverted by End. Underestimated but Extravagant when given the Chance to Learn more about Body (and inherently the Soul) within the Shared Space.

How did you become this person?
Being Aware of Myself and Paying Attention to Everything in the Shared Space – Energies, Vibes, Sounds, Expressions, Body Language, etc.

Do you like the sexual person you have become?
I don’t believe I dislike the sexual person I’ve become yet I know there is much more of my sexual self that I would like for me to feel comfortable showing to myself and others.

Are you proud of your sexual self?
I’m proud of where I’ve come from where I’ve been. Much life to live and experience.

Do you hate your sexual self?
Naw, I could improve more though. I do wish my sexual self would explore more. Be more assertive in expressing my desires when I want them. Mostly an issue with confidence. When confidence is in the shared space then my sexual self improves as a result.

What is the name of the best lover you’ve ever had?
Each lover brings a new aspect to the space where our bodies, our minds, our spirits meet and I don’t want to discredit any of them for the ways we connected.

Is the best lover you’ve ever had you…?
The love that happens with another doesn’t happen without me present so I guess the best lover I’ve ever had would be me because that’s how the connection begins and ends.

Where do you feel sexually inadequate?
Taking more time to linger. I could do better there. Fully appreciating the body more. A work in progress.

Where do you feel sexually free?
When the only expectation is to enjoy and make the most out of the connection and be present while we’re sharing and experiencing this moment together (even when the moment is with myself).

Have you talked to Jesus about any of this?
Naw, not the fundamentalist Jesus.

What did he say?
Not sure they are a dude persay

Not a fan of Jesus? Cool. Well, have you talked to any supernatural being about your sexual self?
Since I believe every type of connection is a spiritual one, I’ve had several conversations with the Great Spirit about my sexual self (mostly because the Great Spirit is an extension of self and I talk to myself about my sexual self quite often).

Do you feel ashamed or guilty after you watch porn?
Nope, not at all.

You don’t watch porn? Ok, well how about after you masturbate? You don’t masturbate either? Ok, send me an email so we can rectify that.
Nope, I don’t feel a need to be apologetic for trying to build a deeper connection/realization with my sexual self. Can’t possibility communicate my desires to anyone else if I don’t know them.

Who loved the way your genitals looked?
I actually kinda dig how my piece looks.

Who made you feel ashamed about the way your genitals looked?
Nobody, that I can remember. And if they tried, I probably wasn’t listening (which is probably why I can’t remember if so).

What are your sexual fantasies? You don’t fantasize either. Send me that email ASAP.
I have numerous. Most under a brightly lite moon with humming involved and laughter and a hand placed gently on my chest where my heart is, mine where their heart is, creating poetry with our hearts, masterpieces with our bodies and a dance with our souls. Some are rather raunchy or kinky, some are rather romantic, some are rather long, some are rather short. yet all of them speak to me somehow and come back to sex being art that is being created by those involved.

Fundraising for Freedom

Hello Beautiful People,

I know it’s been a long time since I’ve posted up an ask for a fundraising campaign yet here I am again. To be honest, this is still a difficult process for me to ask for help but I’m learning I already have the no, so I gotta fight for the yes and if I want help, I have to speak and ask for support. The urgency of launching this campaign is very real because as you’ll find out in the description of the fundraiser – my surgery date is on May 30th and I need all my funds by May 16th. That sounds really soon, I know, and trust me it’s still hitting me but I earnestly need your help to make my surgery happen. If you can donate (and it not break your budget or pocket), please do. If you can share this link (and not have detrimental repercussions for doing so), please do. Helping hands and giving hearts are always appreciated. Also, if you’re in the area and you see me, please give me a hug (that helps sooo much you have no idea). Below I have provided the link to the fundraiser and I just hope that ya’ll help me get there:

http://www.gofundme.com/3ywgc0

With Love & Affirmation,
Myke

We Hurt (4/13/14)

How about we stop skirting past the reality that we hurt?
That we experience pain and that at times we need help, support, people to be mindful of our pain. And I don’t ask this in a judgmental way. It can be difficult to talk about pain. It can make one vulnerable to talk about pain. It can be painful to talk about pain. We’re taught that pain is bad, that pain should be avoided, unfelt. Yet we still do anyway experience hurt, consciously and subconsciously.
How about we start giving ourselves and others space to acknowledge and feel this hurt?
To process THROUGH the hurt, not around pain or even away from pain. Cuz the moment we try to ignore the presence of our own pain, it only calls louder out to us until it cracks our eardrums and makes our eyes bleed.
Please start paying attention. Please start acknowledging. Please start reaching out. Please. I know that may be a lot to ask from some people. But please…Please ❤

***PLEASE READ***

Hello all,

I’ve got to meet a really awesome person this weekend! His name is Anton Darklight and he does amazing work! I got to get a glimpse of the social justice work he does for Queer People of Color and more specifically Trans People of Color. He’s looking to create change plus help inspire and affirm generations of individuals who generally lack representation and positive imagery in our society. Along his journey, he is looking for support in getting his chest reconstruction surgery. His goal is $8,000 and could use as much support as ya’ll are able to give him. If you have the capacity to donate to his fundraiser, I ask that you please do. If you have the capacity to share the link to his fundraiser (that I have provided below), I ask that you please do. Please support in any way you can. Any amount and effort is important and is appreciated ❤

http://www.gofundme.com/5q7mzk

At some point in our lives, I know we found it difficult to make ourselves vulnerable and to ask for support in achieving something important in our lives. So I ask of all of you who take time to read this status and follow to his bio please take regard that this is a tough process but one not everyone has the privilege to avoid.

Thank you to all who took the time to Listen! Thank you to all who choose to Support!

With Love and Affirmation,
Myke